As I mentioned in an earlier post, my grandfather passed away on Christmas. He was very special to me and was my only real father figure growing up. When I was young he seemed to always be in the background. Quiet, unassuming. When he spoke it seemed stern and serious. As I got older I saw him laugh more and realized he liked telling jokes and funny stories. When I had my first child, his first great grandchild, I saw a glow in him I had never seen. I saw him hold his great granddaughter and the stern serious man was replaced with a loving sweet old man. One night my grandmother, Nana, called me ( we spoke fairly often on the phone, I was very close to her) after not having called her in about a week. She scolded me and said “you know your grandfather worries about you when you don’t call. Just give him a call sometimes so he can hear your voice”. That was the first time I realized how much he cared. I knew he loved me, don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t realize he thought of me so often.
I went through a bad divorce and my Nana and Bupa were always there to listen to me and not judge. Soon after that Nana broke her hip and declined in health. She passed a year later. It was Heartbreaking.
Of course it was the worst for my Bupa. He was never the same. They had been married for almost 60 years.
He slowly slipped away. We would go to visit after being told he probably won’t know us and he would see me and smile and say “ooh Kelly, how are you doing?” He would even remember my 2 oldest girls and my new husband I had recently married. I was always so great full.
We were supposed to go spend Christmas Eve at his house (my aunt was living there taking care of him) it has been my tradition since I was born. My aunt told me he was doing poorly, after some discussion, we decided it would be best for my 3 children not to see him so bad off, so we didn’t go. I felt the most guilt regarding that decision when I got the text on Christmas Day saying he had passed. I still feel we made the right decision, I just hope he wasn’t disappointed that we didn’t come.
Now I miss him, like I miss my Nana. They were a part of me. But I “feel” them. I know, it sounds crazy, but I do. I can hear their voices and see their facial expressions when I do things they would normally sarcastically comment on, lol.
I’m at peace knowing they are together. But I can’t help but miss them sometimes.